11 Things Not to Do on a First Date
On first dates, plenty of us do little things that are
big turnoffs, even though we often don't realize it. So I
decided to bug one of my best male friends — we'll call him Teddy;
he's a novelist and and an astute observer of the human race — to
tell me about little things women do on first dates that might turn
men off. Here's his list:
1.
Don't dress like a tramp — or a schoolmarm.
Be stylish
and sexy, but not slutty. So, no excessive cleavage, no heels so
high you can barely walk in them, no barely-there skirts. You want
to earn the dude's respect and make him think you are a person
worthy of pursuit — not just a sex object.
2. Don't
in any way indicate that you are interested in future contact ...
until the very end.
This is actually a tougher rule to
follow than it would seem to be. Because sometimes you'll find
yourself discussing a new restaurant that's supposed to be really
cool, and you'll say something like, "We should go sometime."
Or you'll mention one of your favorite books and, because you're a
generous person, you'll say, "I can lend you my copy."
Problem is, by doing this kind of thing, you force a guy to ask
himself whether or not he wants to see you again before
he's even gotten a chance to know you — which can make him feel
awkward. Let him warm up to you. You don't want to come off as
overeager. So wait until the end of the date before you say, "It'd
be nice if we hung out again." Even better: He'll be the one to
say that, and you'll simply agree wholeheartedly.
3.
Don't be rude.
Sure, a lot of men like "a
challenge." But that means they're into women with self-respect
— not mean girls. Don't be rude to the waiter or snotty to the
bartender. Don't mock the behavior — or outfit — of another
woman in the restaurant. Be regal and rise above all forms of
cattiness and smallness.
4. Don't mention anything
that could make you come off as emotionally unstable.
No
TMI, please. The guy across the table isn't your therapist or your
best buddy. A first date is not the time to start venting about your
terrible relationship with your parents, your despised boss, or some
whacked-out fight you're having with a friend. (If you feel like you
are emotionally unstable, maybe you should see a
therapist and get yourself together a little before doing any
serious dating.)
5. Don't mention you're taking
antidepressants.
Goodness knows, I'm all in favor of
taking them. But unfortunately, a lot of people have
misguided notions about what they are and who is on them. Let him
get to know you — and to understand you're not "crazy"
— before he gets to know about your meds.
6. Do
not engage in self-deprecation.
As I've said before;
this is a really hard thing to get right. So, rather than run the
risk of coming off as insecure or self-loathing (not attractive
qualities, FYI), avoid pointing out any of your shortcomings.
7.
Don't mention ex-boyfriends or dudes you dated. Not one!
You
don't want to give him the sense you're still hung up on your ex.
And it can also be off-putting if you mention some dude you were
casually dating. He might get the impression you sleep around or
you're trying to brag about how wildly attractive the male race
finds you. (We know, we know — but no need to broadcast it.) So,
as much as possible, avoid discussion of your romantic history.
8.
Do offer to help with the check.
Guys appreciate that a
LOT even if they have no intentions of letting you help with the
bill.
9. Don't get too drunk.
For
serious, ladies. Slurring your words or having so much trouble
sitting straight it seems like you're on a slip-and-slide rather
than a bar stool? Not good. If you're prone to getting drunk easily,
make sure to put something in your gullet before you meet the guy,
even if you're having dinner together. (I mean it! Otherwise, that
first glass of wine on an empty stomach can do a lot of damage. And
since it takes 30 minutes to digest food — while alcohol gets into
your system ASAP — the bread your waiter brings won't help much.)
Limit yourself to three drinks or, if you're a lightweight like me,
ONE. And stick to wine or a beer you know. Cocktails and fancy
microbrews can vary greatly in their alcohol content.
10.
Do not talk about sex. At all.
Especially not as a non
sequitur. Unless you want the guy to get the impression you're just
looking for a one-night stand or a friendship with benefits. And I
dunno about you, but I'm not interested in that kind of thing.
11. Let him initiate the first kiss.
And you
be the one to withdraw your lips first, to leave him wanting more.
